BREAKING THE RULES OF GENDER AND SEXUALITY

As I mentioned on another page, I’m not naturally a rule breaker. I spent most of my young adult life seeking ways to fit in, be accepted, and be successful. However, at a young age I knew something was very different about me. It took me until college to realize what it was: I am gay.

Coming to terms with this truth about myself took several years. And just as I started to do that, I discovered another layer to myself. I attended a workshop series at my university about gender and learned for the first time about the concept of “non-binary gender.” Essentially, “non-binary gender” is an umbrella term for anyone who identifies outside of the traditional male and female genders. People can be any combination of masculine and feminine, or even identify as neither.

I knew deep inside that I was non-binary - though I never wanted to become a male, I never felt quite female either. I especially felt uncomfortable with my female chest. But the thought of truly accepting and embodying this identity felt like it wasn’t an option for me.

I was already breaking the rules of sexual orientation; I didn’t think I could handle breaking another rule.

For the next 10 years, I kept gender at an intellectual level. I ran workshops on gender, guest lectured community college courses on gender and sexuality, and coached people who were grappling with their own gender identity. Yet I was unwilling to explore my own gender identity more fully.

I finally hit a breaking point. I was becoming exceedingly more uncomfortable with my female chest. I felt like a “fraud” in the LGBT community by leaving my own story out of my workshops and coaching.

After working through a lot of my own limiting beliefs with my coach, I came out to my Facebook network as non-binary, and had surgery to create a more masculine chest.

The picture I attached to my Facebook announcement coming out as non-binary gender.

The picture I attached to my Facebook announcement coming out as non-binary gender.

Today, I am fully me, confidently and unapologetically.  The surgery aligned my body to my heart and my mind.

I’m more passionate than ever about sharing my experience and educating others. I offer coaching with a focus on gender to anyone that feels a real need for help or support.  I also am available for workshops with organizations who want to create a more inclusive environment for people of all gender identities and sexual orientations.

Click below to set up a conversation with me.